Times are tough all over the galaxy

"A man wearing a Darth Vader mask and cape robbed a Chase bank branch on Long Island on Thursday, police said. The thief entered a branch in Setauket at 11:30 a.m. and demanded money from a teller. But instead of using a light saber, "Darth" threatened the teller with a semiautomatic gun. The Darth Vader thief, described as between 6 feet and 6 feet 2 inches tall, then took off running. In addition to the mask and cape, he was also wearing camouflage pants. The teller gave the robber some cash from the drawer. A customer started to battle Vader inside the bank. Det. Sgt. William Lamb of the Suffolk County Police Department says, "They got into a bit of a physical altercation. No one was hurt."He headed east through the bank's parking lot and then jumped on a bicycle and took off." via http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/offbeat/darth-vader-robs-bank-on-long-island-20100722-akd

Click the link for video footage.

Well what do you expect? That Death Star hasn't been fully operational since like the 3rd movie, and there have been 3 more movies made since. George Lucas is bathing in cash, where's Darth's cut? Hes got big plans, he has dreams and ambitions too, pay the man. Seriously though, this was developing into one bad-ass heist story, Darth rolling in hot, guns blazing, demanding cash, beating up innocent bystanders but then it tailed off at the end when the Sith Lord's getaway vehicle was a Huffy...that shit is just straight soft Darth.

Killer Jellyfish taking names in N.H.

"Rye, N.H., emergency officials received the call around 1:30 p.m. that 125 to 150 people, including children and a few adults, at Wallis Sands State Park had been stung by a jellyfish, Rye Fire Lieutenant Charles Gallant said. Park officials had tried to remove a large dead jellyfish from the water earlier in the day, but it broke apart and the floating pieces stung the children in the water, he said. The jellyfish was roughly the size of "a cover of a trash can," Gallant said. Lifeguards treated the majority of the children with vinegar and baking soda." via http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/07/ouch_jellyfish.html
Check out the link for video coverage.

So this must be the most bad-ass jellyfish in the game. It was the size of a trash can lid stinging anything in sight, kids, adults, pets. Then what happens when lifeguards and fire fighters tried to destroy it? Thing breaks into a million mini pieces like an alien and causes even more havoc. Thats how you go down like a champion for sure. God I hate jellyfish stings, they can really wreck any day on the beach in a split second.

P.S. How would you like to be the local on-scene reporter? What is this you're big break? Heading to the scene of the crime and getting dramatic shots of waves rollin in on a calm day at the bay? Get a real job, bro.

Wine Rack Bra could save Women's Sports

The latest heatwave has helped sales of all things summer -- electric fans, air conditioners, flip flops and more. Add to that list the Wine Rack, which has been selling briskly among college students as the temperatures climb.The Wine Rack isn't quite what it sounds like. It's a bra -- a bra that can hold an entire bottle of wine or 25 ounces of our beverage of choice."It's an idea whose time had come," says Paul Krasulja, general manager of Paterson, N.J.-based online site BaronBob.com, which specializes in selling off-beat gifts. "It had been coming for a long time."Krasulja says the customers he has talked to over the phone mostly seem to be getting the Wine Rack for sporting events, although he recently had a female customer who said she was using the Wine Rack when attending PTA meetings. As for sipping beer out of a bra during those sporting events, "When you're spending $11 on a beer at Yankee Stadium, it's easy to see why they want it," Krasulja says. "I went to the stadium last year and spent $290 on beer. It's an amazing, beautiful stadium, but [the beer is] overpriced." via http://smallbusiness.aol.com/2010/07/21/why-didnt-i-think-of-that-the-wine-rack-already-a-breast-sell/

Wow, so much to tackle in one article. First off, this must be one of the best things for sporting events ever. Women can pack the booze prohibition style while men get to suck it straight out of their bras? Must be a phenomenal experience. Also I'm positive this could be the saving grace for women's sports in the United States. I'd watch those beasts in the WNBA if they were packing gatorade-filled bras that bounced while they dribbled down court. This would do amazing things for TV ratings not only for the WNBA but for Women's Tennis, Beach Volleyball, Golf, and Softball. I would bet anything on that. It's already doing amazing things for the lucky bastards in that PTA meeting where the one female customer admitted to rocking it.

Second, this dude Paul Krasulja from Paterson-based BaronBob.com sounds like a bad ass. Selling gag-gifts for a living...this guy has to be the life of the party, and apparently he does party hard since he went to Yankee Stadium and pounded 27 beers ($290 /$11 a beer). This guy, who claims the beer bra idea "had been coming for a long time", is either full of shit or one the biggest drunk on the planet but either way I'd like to party with him.

I can see it now, the two of us sneaking into an upperclass club like the 40/40 with our Beerbelly beer container, proving that not only do we not give a shit how soceity views us physically, but we are also savvy when it comes to practical ways to pinch pennies. What girl wouldn't fall for that? We'd prowl the club picking up chicks with lines like, "How would you like to make your rack 2 cup sizes bigger and get drunk at the same time?" - real smooth operators.

If this "simple" idea doesn't make a million dollars then I have no hope in the America I once knew. I will be forced to surrender to these politically-correct-hippie-liberals who find things like this degrading. Get a sense of a beneficial gag gift when you see one, hillbillies.

Sweedish bank robbers ain't no joke

Yesterday a Sweedish bank Depot was robbed by an operation that was straight outta Mission Impossible. Helicopters rollin' in hot, dropping mercenaries down into a cash safehouse with circular saws and shotguns? Yes please. Was Krieger in the helicopter while Ethan Hunt and Luther were wrecking shit in the bank?

In all honesty the only people to blame for this is the bank, how are you going to have an all glass pyramid rooftop in your bank depot and NOT get robbed? Theres never been a more blatant invitation to take all the contents of a building than making it secured by a see-through and breakable roof. Why don't you just keep the doors unlocked and have 1 inept night guard with a drinking problem out front? These bank robbers should be given a monetary reward by the executives of this bank for pointing out such an obvious and dumb security risk. Well I guess they kinda did...they got away with the 5 million dollars but they had to take what was rightfully theirs.

Seriously in 2 years this story will become a Michael Bay movie with Daniel Craig as the lead and some sexy Sweedish actress like Malin Ackerman as the token smoke who just dishes out poon to everyone in the heist, bank on it.

Louis CK straight murders it

This guy's general outlook on life makes me want to crown him as one of the funniest gingers of all time. His society-hating routine is one of a kind. Yea sure, you can have your nitche comedians, Dave Chappelle- "Black- High" comedian, Carrot Top- "Roiding-Prop" comedian, Katt Williams- "Tiny-Pimp" comedian. But Louis CK is a different breed. He just takes normal, everyday shit, that everyone does and makes it so depressing and meaningless that it cracks people up in a Seinfeld-after-a-36-hour-meth-bender kind of way. It sucks his Lucky Louie show on HBO was a bit before its time and didn't catch on.

Here's a video list of his Top Ten moments:
http://www.midwestsportsfans.com/2010/07/video-10-hilarious-stand-up-moments-with-louis-ck/

The "Everythings Amazing and Nobody's Happy" bit he did on Conan was hands down my favorite.

Look out for his new show on FX entitled Louie I've been DVRing it and only caught like 2 episodes so far but they were both funny. It's kind of like a second rate version of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm without the upbeat jingle. Oh, and no FX/Louis CK are not paying me for this ringing endorsement...but they should be.

The Plot of 1985 Real Genius was so good it had to come true

I'm not too sure but I think Real Genius may have been a documentary and not a fictional masterpiece as advertised: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5qtU-tO3Jk .

Today the US Navy annouced they successfully shot down a UAV Drone with a high-powered laser. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-501465_162-20011041-501465.html .

I'm almost positive Val Kilmer and that big-headed nerdy kid were at the trigger here. I mean they went straight from testing their laser on some Orville Redenbacher in that asshole Professor Hathaway's house, to shooting down military drones. Thats one hell of a jump. Next thing you know they'll throw this thing on a plane and be tracking down Lazlo's winnebago in the dessert somewhere while hes banging out that 80's smokeshow blonde.

P.S. How much does Mitch Taylor look like a young Sarah Jessica Horseface?

Mickey Mantle's Offseason Antics with Billy Martin

This is a true story Mickey Mantle told at a Yankees Benefit dinner after his retirement;

During the offseason one year Mickey Mantle invited his manager Billy Martin to Michigan to go hunting in the country. Since Mickey was from the area he told Billy to wait in the truck while he went and asked a local farmer if he could hunt on his land for the day. The farmer says "Sure Mick, but can you do me a favor in return? I've got this cow that's dying and I need to put it to rest. Could you handle that for me?" Mickey agreed and when leaving the farmhouse he decided to take this opportunity to play a prank on Billy. He approached the truck visibly upset, aggressively ripped open the door, grabbed his shotgun and headed for the barn. This prompted Billy to scramble out of the truck after Mickey with his rifle in hand shouting, "Mickey what's wrong? What's going on?" To which Mickey replied, "That old son of a bitch won't let us hunt on his land but this'll show him!" Mickey then shot the dying cow in the head with his shotgun. Then he heard BANG! BANG! Two more gun shots immeadiately after his. Startled, he turned around to discover Billy had shot two of the farmer's horses. Stunned Mickey looked at Billy Martin who said, "We'll show him Mick!"